Your mouth's agape -
close it before it's too late.
You, who wanted more;
you, who got less -
warm your shaking hands,
build a bonfire
far
far away from here.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
Absentees
What do you do when the people you want to be there on the most important days of your year (or years) fail to show up?
It's your graduation day. You've been named first honors in your Kindergarten 1 class. You are told to bring your parents with you so they can go with you up the stage during the commencement exercises. You can just imagine the pride on your father's face when the Principal hands you your very own gold medal.
Oh but wait. You don't know who your mother is. Your father can't make it. But, don't you worry. He sends at least 6 of his "trusted friends", who make up his executive staff, to stand in as your father. See, you get 6 fake fathers to accompany you up the stage!
It's your birthday. You're 6 years old. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16... You're going to have a big party. Classes at your school are suspended. It's your day.
Your nanny comes along and takes charge of the party. Yipee. Well, your father was there at your 5th birthday - or at least for an hour.
It's your birthday. You've stopped wishing your parents would magically show themselves at your bedroom door. Instead, you're looking forward to spending your day with your boyfriend.
Oh wait. It's a Sunday. Your boyfriend can't meet up with you since you both are not allowed to go out on Sundays.
Oh wait. Your boyfriend forgot it's your birthday. He's out playing computer games with friends.
Your boyfriend had promised to pick you up so you can have breakfast together on you special day. But wait, it's already 9 o'clock am. Maybe he'd surprise you any minute now. 12 o'clock. Maybe it was really lunch. You call and, oh wait. He has to pick a girl you don't know up and drive her somewhere. He has a life, too, you know. It's just your birthday.
Oh wait. Your boyfriend just can't go to your little dinner party stone's throw away from your school. He's not feeling well and will go home to sleep. But, come on, he said sorry. That's enough, you know.
Well, at least you've had three boyfriends who really did spend your birthday with you. You've achieved real happiness. You can die now.
It's going to be your thesis defense soon. You've talked about this for weeks and days now. He's going to be there with you after your defense. If you pass it, you'll celebrate together. If you make a fool out of yourself, he'll be by your side.
Oh wait. He takes you out to dinner a couple of days early 'cause he just might not be able to be there on the "big" day. Well, at least he's thoughtful enough to take you out earlier.
But wait. You have to eat fast. He has somewhere else to go. Such short notice. Fortuitous event, you know.
And you think, he's just so nice and thoughtful. He could have told me to hail a cab. But he's willing to drive me home and then go to wherever he has to go. I am lucky.
You feel bad, but guilty of feeling bad, as well.
You're sad. You're lonely.
And, well, right now, you're all alone.
Oh wait. You wouldn't want to hear about Christmas and Valentine's...
It's your graduation day. You've been named first honors in your Kindergarten 1 class. You are told to bring your parents with you so they can go with you up the stage during the commencement exercises. You can just imagine the pride on your father's face when the Principal hands you your very own gold medal.
Oh but wait. You don't know who your mother is. Your father can't make it. But, don't you worry. He sends at least 6 of his "trusted friends", who make up his executive staff, to stand in as your father. See, you get 6 fake fathers to accompany you up the stage!
It's your birthday. You're 6 years old. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16... You're going to have a big party. Classes at your school are suspended. It's your day.
Your nanny comes along and takes charge of the party. Yipee. Well, your father was there at your 5th birthday - or at least for an hour.
It's your birthday. You've stopped wishing your parents would magically show themselves at your bedroom door. Instead, you're looking forward to spending your day with your boyfriend.
Oh wait. It's a Sunday. Your boyfriend can't meet up with you since you both are not allowed to go out on Sundays.
Oh wait. Your boyfriend forgot it's your birthday. He's out playing computer games with friends.
Your boyfriend had promised to pick you up so you can have breakfast together on you special day. But wait, it's already 9 o'clock am. Maybe he'd surprise you any minute now. 12 o'clock. Maybe it was really lunch. You call and, oh wait. He has to pick a girl you don't know up and drive her somewhere. He has a life, too, you know. It's just your birthday.
Oh wait. Your boyfriend just can't go to your little dinner party stone's throw away from your school. He's not feeling well and will go home to sleep. But, come on, he said sorry. That's enough, you know.
Well, at least you've had three boyfriends who really did spend your birthday with you. You've achieved real happiness. You can die now.
It's going to be your thesis defense soon. You've talked about this for weeks and days now. He's going to be there with you after your defense. If you pass it, you'll celebrate together. If you make a fool out of yourself, he'll be by your side.
Oh wait. He takes you out to dinner a couple of days early 'cause he just might not be able to be there on the "big" day. Well, at least he's thoughtful enough to take you out earlier.
But wait. You have to eat fast. He has somewhere else to go. Such short notice. Fortuitous event, you know.
And you think, he's just so nice and thoughtful. He could have told me to hail a cab. But he's willing to drive me home and then go to wherever he has to go. I am lucky.
You feel bad, but guilty of feeling bad, as well.
You're sad. You're lonely.
And, well, right now, you're all alone.
Oh wait. You wouldn't want to hear about Christmas and Valentine's...
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