Ode to Paranoia

You hug me:
you want to stay.
I breathe in your intoxicating perfume:
I know it will stay in my system for a while,
for a while.

I'm fighting the urge to keep you -
you are bad for me
but I feel safer with you around.
You keep me safe;
you keep me sane

or insane? As I ponder,
you hug me some more.
Too tightly,
as if you are begging me
to listen to your logic.
And I am listening,
though you might be bad for me.

I fall silent
and inhale the reality you bring;
you loosen your hold and Hope springs.
You stand beside each other
and will me to choose.

And I can't.
It would have been easier
if one of you fought for me -
harder than the other.
Tick, tock. Tick, tock.

And I choose
neither
and both.
I hold my ground
and wait for reality.