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Saturday, July 5, 2008

from the penthouse, looking down

Paranoid. Scared. Quick-tempered. Weak.

But I am not less of a person just because I'm all these and more. You try to change me - for the better, you say. You try to rehabilitate my ways: render gentle my tongue, curb my language, do away with my choice of clothes. You want me to stop fumbling with my answers and my logic by reminding me over and over again that I just don't respond the way I am supposed to.

With these means, yes, I do realize my flaws. But instead of successfully overcoming them all, my pride shatters into smaller pieces with each blow. I draw myself deeper into my shell.

You may prove everyone right. I may fail. Badly. Terribly. With these wounds to my pride, I lose all the remaining respect I have for myself, if any. Each day, my spirit falters and try as I may to push myself upwards again, my arms fail me. Your words drag me down.

I'm on the brink of falling - all 23 floors down.

Just let me save myself.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

It's not going to happen. You're too strong for that.

Debajyoti Dutta-Roy said...

You have got great potential...creative, intelligent. What r u writing about ? Exercise, take a walk 30 minutes - 1 hourdaily...you'll feel positive. Best o' luck....

Lei said...

I box at least 3 times a week. I think that's quite enough.

Debajyoti Dutta-Roy said...

Keep up the spirit. Don't box me...I might get knocked out -( ...after all, I'm about twice u'r age