I'd been staring at this screen for about 5 minutes before I could even begin to type this first sentence. It's not because I have absolutely nothing to say to you but because I don't know just where to begin. Like the motormouth that I am, I have a lot to say - stories to tell you (the chorale is working on an interesting piece and although we have yet to finish it, it has, I must say, come out rather well. I can't wait for the whole song to be finished), rantings to unearth and force out of myself just so I can hear your soothing words, questions to bug you about (do you...? did you...? why is the sky blue?), and truths to confess.
This note, or this blog rather, is too small a space to write down everything I want and need to say to you but I'd try. Frankly, I know I never would nor COULD, even if I wanted to, say everything I want and need to say outright. Social norms prevent me from doing such. Thus, here I am, resorting to explanations on why I couldn't type things as quickly and bluntly as I could. Here I am, resorting to tales and childish questions.
But this is all I could ever do.
It's going to be Valentine's soon enough, and although I don't really celebrate the occasion (I'd smirk and say with a patronizing tone, "Who does?!?" but of course, deep down, I'd also love to receive some flowers and girly whatnots, which never ever come, by the way), I'd take a big step forward and type embarrassing things in this "note". No, I don't have alcohol and circumstance to blame this on right now. I only have myself to claim all the credit for this stupid move. Consider this one of the dumbest moves I'm ever going to make.
Still, I don't know how to begin.
*takes a deep breath*
*prays for guidance*
*bites lower lip and curses her need to confess*
*imagines herself looking into (place your name here)'s eyes*
Crap.
Then again, scrap Valentine's, big leaps, and dumb moves. I'm keeping my pride. Or at least, what's left of it.
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3 comments:
is that what it is? you've been afraid? but why?
we all say things and mean each of them differently my dear.
yes and as much as we hate to admit, we like surprises, the crappy er- sappy romantic gestures as patronizingly depicted in teleseryes.
this is the status quo, and tho we may say we choose to deviate, still. the matters of the heart remain perplexing and troublesome.
a little effort wouldn't hurt. but ofcourse some people don't even bother to entertain such thought.
as we said, we remain hopeful. sigh.
Yes. Still, the hope is there.
And I wonder, when will I say, "Enough!" - and mean it?
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